I'm Canadian ay? Not at all, ay. Then, What are you talking aboot? I'm taking about me, he, and we. At first I didn't really know you, and was a little shy, but I feel this crazy chemistry between us. I think after a month of blogging here, I'm ready for you to know more about me, he, and we. So here it goes….(deep breath).
Me. I'm always cold. I make myself laugh. I'm a great mommy. He. He's always hot. He laughs at me. He's a wonderful daddy. We. Together we are always the right temperature. We laugh at each other. We are super parents!
Was that enough? Didn't think so. Here we go again. Take 2.
I am a law student in my 2nd year. Originally from the Midwest, I consider myself a Midwestern girl even though I've lived in Florida for almost 10 years now. I'm an only child and I hear that I act like one. My face is the perfect merge between my mom and dad so I resemble them and don't resemble them at the same time. I'm a mommy first and foremost and nothing matters more to me than that little boy. I'm an advocate for equal and civil rights for all people of all nations regardless of their status, classification, religion,race, or sexual preference. I strive to read a newspaper everyday because I have a need to be informed and to know what is going on.I have really long fingers that look like skeletons and thin arms that resemble a praying mantis. I have so many insecurities but am happy with the person I am and ultimately happy with myself. I need to work on patience though.
He is a auto tech at a luxury dealership. He loves his work and he loves me. His mind is super simple and complicated at the same time. He understands things I can't even wrap my head around like physics, time, space, and all things scientific. He fell in a well when he was 2 and was featured on Rescue 911. He has full lips and bright blue eyes- he uses them to make cute faces I can't resist. He stays informed by watching the news daily and cooks every night since other people, ahem, don't know how. He is more efficient and hard working than most people I know. A true mans' man- he can fix and build anything you need which is just so sexy.
Together we click and it is super wonderful. We can't wait until we are super old so we can gross out the younger generation with our PDA!
What about you and your mate? How are you together and individually?
I was never the girl who would write on her notebook Mrs. Pitt or Mrs. Depp, or even Mrs. Jonathan. Taylor Thomas, oh yeah, I took it there. Why? Because I like my last name. It's different, It's German, and I've never run into anyone with it. I've found some people on facebook with the same last name, but most of them are in Austria. The Mr.'s last name on the other hand is very common. Actually, everything about his name is common- first and last name. If you do a google search for me: you will definitely find me. Him however, no go. There are athletes, movie directors, criminal defendants, you name it!- that all have the same name as him. My last name is also the last in my family line. My father was adopted, never got remarried or had any other kids- so I am the only one. I like to think that this had something to do with the fact that I'm keeping my name, but in reality that had nothing to do with it.
I'm just selfish and I really like my name. Plus, my son has my last name and his full name makes it the preppiest name ever- I did this on purpose because whether you admit it or not, racism still exists in America, and I wanted to at least get his resume looked at. Everyone in my family has "safe" names so I refused to go "experimental" or ethnic for that reason. I tried to convince the Mr. that our future kids should have my last name as well but that discussion didn't go too well.
After we, one of us reluctantly, decided that our future kids could have his last name with no hyphenation of any sort I had to decide if I was going to take the plunge into new name-dom. Before I made my decision, I considered all my options: lets pretend my name is Agnes Rolder and his name is John Smith* Hyphenating- Agnes Rolder-Smith. This was the best possibility I could think of, however that would be a long last name. I knew some kids in high school who had 2 last names. I thought of them and after a while I decided I couldn't go through with it. It would make my last name too long- 15 letters! Every time I would fill out a form half of my name would be cut off. I don't want to even think about how it would look on my drivers license with my 7 letter first name added to the bunch.
Both without the hyphenation- Agnes Rolder Smith. Just as good as the hyphenation, however it means that I would be referred to as Mrs. Smith instead of Rolder Smith and I just don't like his last name. If I was going to add it, I would need my name in there somewhere.
Making a new last name- Rolith. My example name comes out much better than my real name would. This was never really an option though because my hunny loves his name and doesn't want to change it. He actually worked with someone who did this and they both were happy with the new name.
Have him change his name- Mr. Rolder. As mentioned above, hunny loves his name and all the supposed family history that comes with it so that one is a no-go.
I then listed the pros and cons to changing my name: Pros: New family, symbolism, blah blah blah, and its not like I'm established in my career or anything yet so it wouldn't cause confusion Cons: I'm no one's property, going though the whole name change process, new name wouldn't sound right, there is always the possibility of divorce that no one wants to think about, I just don't like his name!
Surprisingly, the Mr. took this all very well. I think maybe it's because I've been preparing him since we met. And Mommy dearest is happy because she's been advocating for me to keep my name since we got engaged. I'm sure I'll hear something about it later from my old-school family members but I don't care, as long as there is an understanding between me and him then nothing else should matter, should it?
Real reason I wrote this post?- I wanted to get this song in your head. Today's song of the week is the infectious "That's not my name" by The Ting Tings. Who wouldn't want to dance to this at their wedding? It's just happy! Enjoy!
Are you keeping or changing your name? Was it an easy decision?
I've already told you how the Mr. proposed but I have yet to tell you how we met, or anything about us for that matter. You'll have to wait to learn anything about us, because today's post is dedicated to how we met. *
I had a group of friends that I had distanced myself from. I started dating my best friend's brother and he didn't like my friends and my friends didn't like him. Between the 2 groups, I chose him mostly because my group of friends started hanging around shady individuals who I did not want to be associated with. Best friend's brother, lets call him Rocco**, was awesome. We got along great- until we started going out. He became verbally abusive and after months of break-up and make-up's I finally called it quits in late May 2004. The day we broke up turned out to be the start of something so much better.
My friend Margarita** invited me to her birthday party. She was not part of the shady group of friends I was trying to get away from, in fact, she was the opposite-- the first one in her family to graduate from college and now she is an RN. (SO PROUD OF YOU!). I decided to go since it had been forever since I had seen her and invited Rocco along. Surprisingly, Rocco agreed to come. I say surprisingly because he had never wanted to be with or around my friends before. We both drove separate cars because he didn't want to stay very long and I felt I owed it to Margarita to stay longer. When we got there though Rocco totally flaked. He didn't want to go and didn't want me to go either. Needless to say, I was peeved. We got into an argument and I just brushed him off and went into the party. By this time though I was in a bad mood because of his behavior but I put a smile on my face for the birthday girl. A few minutes later though Rocco calls my phone and starts calling me names equivalent to a promiscuous woman and female dog*. At that point I just got so mad that I gave Margarita her gift and left the party- I had only been there for probably 15 minutes.
My parents had 2 houses in the same city at the time because they were in the process of selling one . One was way east and the other was way west. Because I didn't feel like going home yet I headed for the West home that no one lived in. I really just wanted to be by myself. Rocco calls to call me more names and I told him I was leaving and going to my West home and I broke up with him for like the 20th time. On my way west I got a phone call from my old group of friends asking me to come by Kelly's** house because she had some friends in town. At this exact point I was right by Kelly's house and agreed to come by. I got there and reunited with everyone since I hadn't seen any of them in months and met Kelly's friends from NJ. There were 3 of them and one caught my eye because he was different. He looked preppy, clean cut, and put together-so he definitely stood out compared to everyone else there. I was definitely attracted to him and after talking to him the attraction just grew stronger.
Then I got a phone call from Rocco. I ignored it. He called a few more times and I ignored each one. I didn't want to talk to him. My phone went dead so I used Kelly's phone to check my messages. No surprise there- it was Rocco calling me more names. He was at my West house waiting for me because I he wanted to talk and I was a ___, a ________, and a _____ for not being there. I was upset but the future Mr. calmed me down and said that no one should ever call me those names, nor make me feel that way, and that I was better without him.
I went home that night and instead of being heartbroken about my 20th breakup with Rocco, I was happy about meeting this wonderful guy. He was awesome. I thought about him all the time. Just thinking about him made me happy. I didn't consider pursuing him any further though because I thought he was going back to NJ. Little did I know, his family had recently moved down here- Is that fate or what? Even though I had just broke up with Rocco, I was ready for a relationship with the Mr. because I had been emotionally single for many many months. Our friends encouraged us to get together so we continued talking, he asked me out a month later, and we've never looked back. As another blogger says, he makes my world glitter.
So many things about this story make me believe that we were meant to be together. 1) The Mr. didn't want to come down to my city that night. He was tired and wanted to stay home but his friends persuaded him. 2)And after not hanging, or wanting to hang out with t his certain group of friends, I finally went over there. 3) I wouldn't have even went over there if it hadn't of been for the fight, the sudden break up, and me already heading in that direction. Perfect phone call at the perfect time. The sad part about this is that I don't even know the date all this happened, I just know it was mid to late May 2004.
As for me and Rocco- we are friends. We were great friends before we started dating and there was no reason that we couldn't be friends after it ended. Relationships are learning experiences and I learned what I needed to in that one. I don't have any ill feelings towards him because he is a great guy, he just wasn't a great guy with me. The Rocco that existed when we were together was not the real Rocco. He even admits that during our relationship he just turned into someone he wasn't and because of it he went and took Anger Management classes. Something about us being together was just toxic. If that isn't proof that 2 people just shouldn't be together I don't know what is. We have gone out to lunch, talked on the phone, and are Facebook friends. And every chance I get I thank him for being such a jerk to me that night, because if it wasn't for that I never would have met the Mr., and if it wasn't for the Mr. I would have probably went back to Rocco. ***
How did you meet your Mr.? How did you know he was the right one?
PG-13 rated version* Definitely not real names** *** Verbal abuse is just as damaging as physical abuse. It took me a very long to realize that my relationship with Rocco was hurting me, even though there were no physical signs. No one should make you feel less than what you are. Please seek help and get out of the relationship, if not for you then for the people around you. You are more important that you will ever know. Sites like www.helpguide.org can help you realize the warning signs and get you on the road to help.
Thank goodness for Snippet & Ink. I had a lukewarm love for grey and pale pink. I was going to add hot pink in there and make it my own but I couldn't get past the image of those colors at the beach. They just didn't scream beach to me. If I was going to be anywhere else then those colors would be love, but I wasn't going to change my location just because of a color scheme.
Then Urban Lavender came along and I started to think purples and grey. I had never ever ever ever been a purple fan. I think every color has been my favorite at one point in time but never purple. Purple has been lucky to be in my closet though, because, well, I look good in purple but I'm not a fan.
I could see lavender and grey at the beach. I could see my hunny in a grey suit, vest, and deep purple tie. I could see my bridesmaids in different colored purple dresses. I could see my bouquet as a bunch of lavender stalks. I could see my son with grey pants and a lavender vineyard vines cummerbund and bow tie. All on the beach.
I found my wedding colors! How did you find yours? How many times did you change it before your big day?
I'm getting married on Anna Maria Island in sunny ol' Florida. My parents have 6 boutiques: 2 on Anna Maria, 2 on local Bradenton Beach, and another on Longboat Key. Everything about the 7 mile Island is beautiful and laid back so it was an easy choice, plus unlike most islands, this one is unspoiled- meaning there are no high rises, panhandlers, or fast food chains-it's just pure unadulterated Island. Best known for its white sand and beautiful clear blue beaches, it has been the best kept secret of tourists for years but recently the secret has gotten out and more and more people are discovering the Island. It has been featured in magazines like Parade, USA Today, Southern Living, and almost every American vacation magazine. Movies like the Perfect Storm with George Clooney, Palmetto with Woody Harrelson, and Out of Time with Denzel Washington have been filmed there, and it is known as the "wedding capital" of Florida even though I have never seen an Anna Maria Island wedding featured in a wedding magazine or website. This is partly because Anna Maria is naming itself that. An exact number of weddings per year will never be know though- since Anna Maria is just a municipality and vendors wont divulge any official information.
Because my parents do business on the Island and yes, I used to slave away there, we are trying to keep our vendors as incestuous as possible. I am trying my hardest not to have to go out to mainland for anything except my dress and his suit. Of course, living 4 hours away in Miami gets in the way when I am trying to pick out venues. I'm going up at the end of March to handle my business so I'll be back with plenty of pictures to share.
One of the best things about the Island- There is a free trolley on the Island so my guests will be set in getting to and from the reception, everything is within walking or bike riding distance, and I'm sure everyone will be excited to spot a Manatee nearby! They are too cute!
For the recent USA Today article on Anna Maria: http://content.usatoday.com/community/comments.aspx?id=33533356.story&p=1. You can tell how much people love it from the comments, like "Keep AMI our little secret" and "I've traveled quite a lot, but this gem in Fla. Is truly a piece of paradise!"
What is special about the place you are getting married?
So I know black people, Jews, immigrants, or any other minority didn't exist back in the late 1800's (If you've read the book Ragtime you know what I mean), but as I've been looking at Victorian marriage certificates I have gotten discouraged with all the white faces and blonde hair I see on the certificates. It's a little disheartening because I love the look of these certificates but even though the men look like the Mr., they don't look like me. And for some reason I have only fallen in love with the certificates that have people on them- I don't know how that happened. If I do decide to go this route, I may have to whip out the black marker and tan colored pencil and color the women in like I used to do with cartoons as a kid.
I've looked into other certificates too. Like Quaker certificates. These are the kind that all of your wedding guests sign. I love that idea because it just adds more significance to that special day, and who knows, one of your guests may turn out to be the next Barack Obama and then you can show people your certificate and say "See, Barack really is my homeboy."
Another type of certificate is a Ketubah. This is the Jewish prenuptial agreement or wedding contract. Although neither of us are Jewish or religious at all, I like this type document, and they happen to be some of the prettiest documents I have ever seen. A Ketubah acts as a blueprint of the marriage and lays out everything, and when I say everything I mean everything. It says how much the husband gives the wife in the event of his death, who is responsible for what duties in the household, and even, ahem, "relations". The Ketubah is signed by the bride, groom, and 2 witnesses. I've been told that it is the most important part of a Jewish wedding ceremony.
I still have yet to decide, and I have quite a while to ponder, but some of the best I've seen are from a site called galleryoflove.net and some of their designs have interracial couples- yay me! They even have certificates featuring Asians, Hispanics, and ones for the LGBT community which are my favorite. My only hope is that one day soon "commitment certificate" while be changed to "marriage certificate".
Are you thinking about getting a wedding certificate? How did you choose?
The title of my post is a paraphrase of a comment I saw on a news story about Michelle and Barack Obama's affection for each other. I tried to find the comment but couldn't- it was posted at least 4 months ago, but the commenter basically said that the way they look at each other makes you think that even if they lived to 100, it still wouldn't be enough time. I love that. It makes me think of me and the Mr.
I can't help but be inspired by Michelle and Barack and their family dynamic. Even with all the hoopla they seem incredibly grounded. And don't even get me started on those beautiful girls! I'm like mama bear when it comes to those girls and I don't even know them. "Don't nobody talk bad about them Obama girls. Nobody"
I love the way they treat each other. Unlike other politicans, Barack looks at his wife when she speaks and she him. They treat each other as equals. Regardless of which end of the spectrum you are on, you have to take notice of the fact that this is what true real love looks like. I hope someone sees that in us one day.
